Grieving During the Holidays

             While some people find the holiday season to be a joyous occasion, others may struggle with grief and loss that prevent the same excitement. Whether the loss is recent or not, human or animal, the holidays are a time of love and family, so the grief may be more pronounced than usual due to the stark juxtaposition. On top of the differences in the atmosphere, one is also more likely to be triggered due to people reminiscing about the loved ones by the fire, some photographs may be out on the shelves, the loved one’s old stockings may but out on the mantle, etc. This is all to be expected, even dreaded, but it is normal for grief to come and go in waves even more so during the holidays. The following will be education on some methods that you can try to make this season a little easier on yourself.

             First, it is important to avoid self-isolation and, instead, surround yourself with people who make you feel at peace or loved. Being able to have the support you need when you most need it will be crucial to getting through the holiday. Even so, it is okay to have a planned escape plan for when things feel too much. And when you feel the grief come on, make sure you allow some time for yourself to feel and process the emotion. Everyone grieves differently, and there is no one “right way”, so don’t feel guilty or ashamed of whatever triggers and remedies the grief - or even if you don’t grieve at all! Additionally, make sure that you remember to take care of yourself and say “no” when you need to. Do not push yourself to have the usual hustle and bustle of the holiday; do the activities that bring you peace and that fill your cup. Other examples include finding the time for winter walks, eating nutritious foods along with your holiday cookies, and seeking entertainment that brings you comfort.

Furthermore, if you want to and feel up to it, you could honor your loved one in one form or another. Some visit the loved one’s resting place, some pray to or just talk out loud to their late loved one, some include them in their holiday rituals in one form or another. For example, some individuals incorporate their loved ones’ music, movies, or food into their holiday to feel close to them. You can reminisce about the loved one with others or privately. And if you are not ready for all of this yet, and just want to wait until you are in a better place to try it out, that is valid and completely normal.

Last but not least, some people find solace in giving or volunteering. This can look like volunteering in a shelter of some kind, gathering food donations, or joining your local church or schools for activities. You can gather and donate products in your late loved one’s name and honor or do it anonymously.

             At the end of the day, you can make the holiday what you want, or need, it to be. You can talk about things, or not. You can go out or stay in. You can do the thing if you have the energy and space for it or you can fill it with minimal stress and comfort activities so you can just get to January. Just remember that you are not alone, and if you would like professional support, you can call Peninsula Child and Family Services today if you need some extra help getting through this holiday season!

- Happy Holidays,

Ciera Canaday, LCSW

Clinical Director and Psychotherapist