Setting Boundaries During The Holidays Guilt-Free

The holidays can bring warmth, connection, and memories - but they can also stir up pressure, expectations, and emotional fatigue. Many people enter family gatherings feeling torn between wanting to show up for loved ones and wanting to protect their own wellbeing. Setting boundaries is a healthy middle ground, but for many, the guilt that follows can feel heavy. The truth is: boundaries aren’t selfish. They’re an act of care for yourself and your relationships.

Here’s how to set boundaries with family this Thanksgiving season without drowning in guilt with additional simple scripts you can use.

Why Boundaries Matter (Especially During the Holidays)

When families come together, old roles, patterns, and expectations often come with them. You may feel pressure to host, cook, engage in conversations you’d rather avoid, or be emotionally available in ways that drain you. Boundaries help you stay grounded and authentic. They make space for connection that feels safe rather than overwhelming.

Think of boundaries as a way to say, “Here is what I can offer,” instead of “Here is everything you get from me, no matter the cost to myself.”

Let Go of the Guilt - Here’s Why

Guilt often shows up because many of us were taught to put others first, keep the peace, or stay agreeable. But guilt is a feeling, not a fact. It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It usually means you’re doing something new or different.

A useful reframe:
A boundary isn’t a rejection. It’s clarity.
You’re giving people helpful information about how to better relate to you.

Strategies for Setting Healthy Boundaries

1. Get clear on what you need before you communicate it.

Do you need a shorter visit? Less time in certain conversations? Support with hosting? Space to decompress afterward? Naming your need will make your boundary feel more grounded.

2. Communicate early and with calm, simple language.

Over-explaining often leads to people negotiating with your feelings; clear and brief is better.

3. Expect some discomfort.

Discomfort doesn’t mean your boundary is wrong, it means you’re shifting a dynamic others are used to.

4. Hold the boundary with kindness but consistency.

Your tone can be warm, but your limit should remain firm.

5. Offer an alternative when appropriate.

Boundaries don’t have to be all-or-nothing. “I can’t do that, but here’s what I can do” often softens resistance. There are only so many hours in a day, so if some activities or family visits need to happen a different day, then that is something to communicate about in advance.

Simple Scripts You Can Use

Script for limiting time

“I can stay for two hours, and I’m really looking forward to seeing everyone. After that I’ll need to head out.”

Script for declining a role or responsibility

“I won’t be able to host this year, but I’m happy to bring a dish.”

Script for avoiding triggering conversations

“I’m not talking about politics/weight/parenting today. Let’s keep the mood light.”

Script for managing emotional boundaries

“I care about you, and I also need to take a moment to myself. I’ll be back soon.”

Script for kindly saying “no”

“Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m going to pass this time.”

A Final Thought

Boundaries create space for healthier, more respectful relationships. They help you show up as the best version of yourself - not the overwhelmed, stretched-thin version many people slip into during the holidays. Give yourself permission to prioritize your needs this Thanksgiving. Your future self (and your future holidays) will thank you.

-Ciera Canaday, LCSW and Clinical Director